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Why is it that when I am laying in my bed at night that my mind races with all these thoughts, and my heart is pumping out emotions faster every second, than it could ever pump out blood in for my entire life? So many times I have wanted to call someone, go somewhere, do something, but in the morning I look back on it and am glad that I never acted. Maybe it is just my fear telling me to feel better because I hid behind my shell. But what if I started telling people what I thought, or went out and did what I really wanted to do. I think that since everything happens for a reason, whatever I do will be right for me. That’s why I love to walk around by myself, or longboard at night. Most everyone else is in bed but I am out flying down a hill, or walking around a path. It’s just me. Sometimes my mind is raging, and other times it is as empty as a trailer park after a tornado.
I have never told anyone that I do that.
What if I got the courage to actually do something about the girl I have liked for so long, or drove my car untill it ran out gas, or tell some people what I really think about them. Is it wrong to protect yourself like that? Or is it better to let it all out and to know that whatever happens, I am getting the most honest reactions I could get.
Looking back on what I have written makes me want to hit the delete button. How much of a girl can I possibly be? I may be more shy than I would ever admit to anyone.
Is it more important to keep a friendship and be 99% satisfied, or to go after someone 100% but risk losing 99% of it?
Is it bad if I only hang out with someone cause I feel obligated to? Yes, but what the crap do I do about that?
I hope that people know what I’m talking about when I say things like that.
If it wasn’t for all these thougts and feelings I suppose things would be pretty borring. I would be bland, and have nothing to pray about when I lay awake at night.
So I’m not sure why it gets me worked up soooo bad.
Well I am going to go to bed now or else I won’t have anything to think about.
I bet I read this in the morning and think it’s stupid.
Ya, I am going to comment on my own blog.
I have read this at least once or twice a day since I wrote it.
I get this queasy feeling reading it and in the back of my mind I want to delete it.
But the feeling of open-ness totally powns my feelings to delete it, and I feel proud reading what I wrote.
I am lame and it’s fine by me.
Seriously, I commented on my own blog.
Are there rules against that?
I am going to leave now.
Zach,
I really do love this blog.
I feel the same a lot of times and I definitely tend to get more worked up and emotional at night. It kinda sucks, but its always good to go out and do something, anything when you’re feeling that way. I’m glad you’re so honest in this blog… AND I’m glad you haven’t deleted it yet! You shouldn’t. It’s good.
Talk about perfect timing, boy did I need to read that blog this morning.
Just remember, no matter how I may act or appear, I’m right there with you, man. Never forget it.
My thoughts on your entire blog: It’s the actions we take that define us, not just our thoughts. In the end, it’s what you do with those thoughts that means everything. Take that for what you will and make choices accordingly. Because not making a choice could mean far worse in the long run. Be decisive, make decisions. Otherwise it’s just like standing still.
Now, having said that, Bottom line: we must be swift as the coursing river. I think that sums it up best.
hmmm
that it was thought provoking